Life in Pursuit of Him.

obedience.

2012-01-25T16:24:00.002-06:00

Obedience can be difficult, but it’s something I’ve always found to be incredibly important. Last year I was called to go to Thailand and was obedient in that calling. It was the most rewarding and amazing experience I have ever been a part of. That’s not to say it was easy…because it wasn’t. But I wouldn’t change any part of that for the world. I never questioned Thailand. God gave me the most beautiful peace about going on that trip, and I was so thankful for that. As all of you probably know, I had planned to head to Uganda, Africa for 6 months beginning in July. Unfortunately, things have changed and God has chosen to close that door and I will no longer be going. I’m disappointed, but will be obedient in this season of my life. I know that God has big things planned for me, and it seems that those plans are going to be stateside. I’m excited and sad, and really hoping for the support of my friends in figuring everything out! There will be more information about everything to come, but I just wanted to be honest with everyone. Obedience is hard, and idk if it'll get any easier!

I love you all

Rach.

So challenging..

2011-11-07T11:50:00.002-06:00

I should probably be studying right now, but my head is spinning and the only thing I can think of to center myself back out is to write. So that’s what I’m going to do. This morning was weird. I was studying, and talking to some friends and I found myself thinking about what I thought the hardest part of following Christ was for me. I think for a lot of people, the most difficult thing is figuring out exactly what He wants us to be doing is exceedingly difficult. That used to be something I struggled with, but in the last 6 months or so I’ve adopted this “do it until the door is shut” or “go until you get a no” mentality, and I’ve found it a lot easier to figure out exactly what Christ wants me to be doing. As most of you guys know, I’m going to Uganda, Africa for at least 6 months starting in July. This isn’t because I audibly heard the voice of God telling me to go, but because he opened the door for me, and He hasn’t shut it yet. He didn’t tell me to go to Thailand, but he put an urgent need on my heart, allowed me to find a trip via Google, allowed me to be accepted, and allowed me to raise enough money go be able to go. I have this belief that if you have a desire to do something to advance God’s beautiful Kingdom, that He’s probably on board with it, and if He isn’t…He will absolutely close the door for that desire until you get the point. I believe that if He doesn’t give you an answer that it means you should go for it until He closes the door on that desire instead of waiting and putting things off until you feel He’s given you an answer. Adopting this mentality has allowed me to grow substantially over the last 6 or so months, thus changing my view on the most difficult part about following Christ.

In thinking about this I’ve found the most consistently challenging thing in my walk with Christ, is trusting in His timing. There are a lot of occasions when I wish my own personal timeline were the one I got to go by. As a single woman, preparing for college graduation and watching what seems like everyone I know get engaged and married and acquiring new boyfriends or girlfriends, I find myself becoming increasingly impatient with God’s timing. It’s a challenge. Every day. It’s a challenge not only because I don’t want to be patient, but also because Satan uses my singleness as a way to attack me which makes it difficult to see the blessing and the gift of this season (even when it seems like a loooong season) of my life. Satan sucks, and he loves to give me these pangs of loneliness, and these urges to settle, and thoughts of there being something wrong with me or thoughts of not being good enough. Which is absolutely ridiculous, because I’m a catch :] ha. but it’s a problem easily conquered by trusting faithfully in God’s timing. It’s just hard.

School is also an area that I’m having a really hard time trusting in God’s timing. I don’t want to be here. I find it a challenge every single day to go to class. I don’t like it, I don’t find it interesting, there are 10 million things I’d rather be doing (like living in Uganda loving on sweet babies). But God has me here for this time in my life. He has blessed me enough to allow me to be able to be in school and I’m rarely grateful of that. Trusting in God’s timing means knowing that I may never know the reasons He has for me being in school right now, but that He has some. Maybe I need a degree for a job He has planned, or to start my own ministry or non-profit, or maybe just because I need to grow and this is the way He sees fit. I don’t know, and maybe I never will, but I have to remind myself every day to trust Him anyway.

I believe that trusting God with everything, especially his timing will continue to grow me in ways that I need to be grown…even when I don’t particularly like it. I want to be the type of woman that trusts faithfully and consistently in God’s timing. Whether I like it or not. I want to be the type of woman that finds peace and stillness in the unknown because I trust that God will come through with His promises because of His great love for me. I want to be that type of woman.

Living in pursuit of Him.

Love yall.

Rach

$77,000 how amazing.

2011-10-31T14:02:00.002-05:00

“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand” 1 Chronicles 29:14

Last night was easily one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever been a part of. In preparing for the Undeniable Offering there has been a lot of excitement, but when I walked into Fuel last night it was literally buzzing. As Brandon spoke for a few minutes, you could just feel it. You could feel the presence of the Lord in the room. People were yelling and laughing and praising God however they saw fit, each one beautiful. Once Brandon opened the floor to bring forward our offerings, the excitement was brought to a whole different level. There was so much joy and anticipation in the room that I couldn’t help but laugh and praise God for his movement of around 300 college kids. Then the worship started. Beautiful, loud, joyous worship filled with a faith in the work that we knew God was going to do. As the music played and the money was counted, the growing number began to show up on the screen. As the number rose, the praise grew louder and presence of God in that room became almost tangible. I looked around at people smiling and laughing and joyfully praising God for allowing them to GIVE. For blessing them enough that they may be a blessing to others. For allowing them to be the change in this community and in places all over the world. God was in that room last night…singing and laughing and smiling and DELIGHTING in the 300 college kids who were delighted to be in His presence. To show people that with God on our side, nothing can stand in our way. That with our God, 300 broke college students can WILLINGLY and JOYFULLY give over $77,000 to bless people. That with our God, nothing is impossible. Last night was a night I will remember for the rest of my life. Last night God was moved in a big and beautiful way and I cannot wait to see how He will use that money to advance His kingdom.

no more.

2011-10-26T22:50:00.001-05:00

So I should be studying right now…because I have a test tomorrow and I haven’t started yet, but I wanted to blog instead. Tonight at Fuel Revival we talked about sin that was holding us back from really letting God have hold of everything in our lives. I have conquered a lot of sin in my life and I am in a really good place with the Lord, so I didn’t expect to think of any big sin taking up room in my heart. But I was wrong. I’ve been struggling with complacency. I’ve been satisfied with going through the motions. This summer I was around these women who were wholeheartedly chasing after the Lord and their enthusiasm was contagious. I was in the word all day and seeking His will for my life in prayer often. Since I’ve been home I’ve been finding myself going through the motions. I’m not reading my bible, I’m not praying as often as I should, I’m not seeking the Lord’s will for my life. I’m stuck. This revival that Fuel is having has stirred something beautiful up in my heart, and that’s this. Even though I find myself going through the motions, God hasn’t. God has still been working in my life and in the lives of those around me even though I’ve been stagnant and haven’t even noticed. This Revival has reminded that being satisfied with standing still in my walk with Christ isn’t enough. It’s not a fraction of what He deserves. Standing still is the opposite of what I want. What I want is to RUN after Him every day with every decision I make. I want to learn from His word and live the life He has planned for me. I want my happiness and my wants to stop mattering. I want what He wants. I want to change things. I want to be on the front lines of His army. I want to be the type of woman who people learn from and are encouraged by. I don’t want to be stuck anymore. No. I refuse to be stuck. And you should too.

rach

Do Something.

2011-10-03T13:05:00.002-05:00

My mind is so full today. As some of you know I went to this missions conference in beautiful Minnesota a few weeks ago and as I’ve been processing everything and reading some of the books I got (I got like 240943) I’ve been thinking about some things people have said to me about me going to Africa and Thailand and I want to clear some things up.

I’ve heard a lot of, “I wish I could do something like that” and “you’re so brave and strong” and “I wish I had that calling” and “I wish I knew what God wanted me to do.” In my person opinion all of these questions kind of coincide so I’m just going to go on this rant and hopefully give my opinion on all of them.

Here’s the thing. If you wish you could do something like that, then DO it. Do something. At the conference I was at a man named Michael Oh gave his opinion on the idea of a “calling” and his mentality was basically go until God shuts a door and tells you not to. Don’t sit around praying about what to do, God can and will close doors if He has something else for you. So go somewhere, tell someone, SEND someone. Do SOMETHING.

People keep saying, “you are so brave and strong!” NO I’m not. I’m the opposite of those things. I am weak. I am small. I am SO scared. About everything. All the time. It is my God that is strong. It is my God that is brave and bigger than life. It is my God that lives and dwells inside of me that allows me to face these things He has given me. Without Him I wouldn’t even be able to face the day sometimes, let alone face the nations.

I guess that leaves only one. No one has to wish they knew what God wanted them to do. He wants to you do something. He wants you to love people. He wants you to love the NATIONS. John Piper said, “to belong to Jesus is to embrace the nations with him” that means we need to be going or we need to be sending. Supporting. Reaching out to people in the community. Actively pursuing the people around you, just as the Lord has actively pursued you. Not selfishly holding in the goodness of the Gospel because you are scared and unsure and comfortable where you are. What is there to be scared of? God dwells in us. He lives in us. His strength pours out of us and that leaves no room for fear. So stop being scared of being uncomfortable. Stop being unsure of God’s calling for you. Just stop, and do something.

rach

Following Christ

2011-09-28T13:46:00.003-05:00

Hiiii guys! Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written anything, things have been a bit hectic. Partly because I’m taking 18 hours this semester, and partly because this whole “going to Africa for 6 months” thing has been a bit stressful…if you didn’t know about Africa, SURPRISE. :]. But I think it’s about time I take a little time to do what I love to do, write…so here it goes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what really following Christ looks like, for myself especially. For a large part of my life, if anyone would have asked I would have said yes I believe in God, and I go to church sometimes (i.e. when my parents forced me)…but that’s as far as my life as a “Christian” went. I read a quote the other day (another love of mine) and it said “going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car” and it has been kind of rolling around in my head ever since.

The bible makes it very clear that being a Christian means a lot more than saying that you believe in God and stopping by the church or flipping through your bible. In Matthew 16:24 “Jesus said to his disciples, ‘whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and FOLLOW me.’” Being a Christian is about so much more than words and small gestures that hold no real meaning. To me, following Christ is letting go of everything that you want for your life, everything that this world says is important and “cool” and following the call of the One who put us all here in the first place. Half the time I don’t even like the word Christian because it gets thrown around so much. It used to be a word that held so much weight to it, and in some places of the world it still does, but I feel like we’ve polluted it somehow. Like it has become less of a lifestyle and more of a resume builder. We’ve let the things of this world completely rule us, and stand in the way of living our lives the way we know we should.

A few weeks ago at church, Brandon said he was meeting with someone who prayed that God would not let him be envious of the sin that takes place all over this world. That he would be satisfied with Christ. How often are we envious of the sin? And not only that, how often do we give into that sin? We give into the things of this world because they are comfortable and easy and what the people around us are doing. We give in to the parties and alcohol and sex and because belonging has become more important than the ache in our hearts that tells us there is something more. Something better than belonging to the insanely lost world we live in. We have turned following Christ into something we do on the side. Something we can turn to when we need to feel better for a little while when we are overwhelmed or hurting or the emptiness that follows a drunken night catches up with us…and once we feel better it’s back to doing the same things that put us in the darkness before. I’m guilty of it myself. I spent a long time thinking that real happiness could be achieved with alcohol and parties, until God gave me a taste of His glory, of His beauty, of His immense strength, His great love for me, His joy…and the happiness I felt then, made any happiness I had felt apart from Him look like depression.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Or that I don’t mess up, because that wouldn’t be the truth. Taking up your cross is hard, and it’s a battle every single day with the world…but the beautiful part of that is the battle is already won, and I have the Creator of the universe on my side. So I guess I just want to challenge you guys to seek Him, to let Him show you His heart, you won’t be disappointed…and the things you find joy in will look so much different. If nothing else, try and just think about what the bible says about following Christ, and take a look and see if you are actually doing it.

Love yall.

Living in pursuit of him,

Rach

p.s. I don’t know how much longer I will be using this site. Anything Africa related will be on the website www.ourlifeasbeautifulfeet.com

I have an announcement to make...and questions to answer :]

2011-09-08T11:45:00.004-05:00

As some of you know, I have a little bit of an announcement to make. I have accepted an internship for 6 months in Uganda. There will be a bigger post later, explaining how this all happened, and what everything is going to look like…but for this post I just want to answer some questions people have been asking me.

“But Rachel, what if you get sick”

I probably will get sick to be honest, but the awesome thing about that is the people I am staying with have an EMT in the family! There are also hospitals where we will be as a last resort. More importantly than both of those things, I’m going because God called me to and I know He will watch over me and protect me in seasons of sickness. I’ll be okay.

“But Rachel, what happens if you want to come home before 6 months?”

When I decided to go on this trip I got some advice from a friend and decided I will be buying a plane ticket there, but not a ticket home. I don’t want to be stuck on a return date…if I want to come home before that will be possible, and if I want to stay longer that will be possible as well.

“But Rachel, is it safe?”

When I was in Thailand this summer, many also wondered about my safety, and I was fine. Where I will be staying is in a good area of Uganda and my safety isn’t a concern of mine. I want the Lord’s will to be my own and if He calls me into a situation where my safety is compromised I pray He will give me the discernment to handle the situation.

“But Rachel, won’t you miss your friends and family…especially the babies?”

Every.Single.Day. I will miss them all the time. God has blessed me with the most amazing support system in my family and friends, and nieces and nephews that are literally one of the greatest joys in my life. But He has also called me to love babies that don’t have a family, to be a mother to the motherless. To be stretched and grown and shaped into the women He has already been molding me into. Following Christ doesn’t come without cost, and I know the benefits of what this trip will do in my life will far outweigh the heartbreak of being away from my family and friends for just a little while.

"But Rachel, will you be able to keep in contact with us?"
Yes. There will be internet where I am, and I will have my iphone for message apps. I will be able to skype, chat, and facebook.

“But Rachel, what if you meet someone before you leave”

If I meet someone before I go, I will still be going. I pray often, that if God brings a man into my life before I leave, that He will be the type of man that not only wants me to follow God’s call, but challenges me to. I pray that He is the type of man that is strong enough to handle a little distance with lots of communication for a little while, because if not…He’s probably not the type of man that can handle a lifetime! Ya heard?

Again, there will be a much more detailed post coming soon, but until then I hope this holds you people over :]

Love you all

rach

in 60 days...my God is SO BIG.

2011-07-24T11:15:00.002-05:00

I love that my God has no time constraints. Literally none. I was just sitting on my bed talking with my team leader, Katie, and she asked me what last year looked like for me. I told her that last year I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. I told her that last year I was lying to my parents telling them I was going to church, when really I hadn’t stepped foot in a church in forever. I told her that last year I was finding my worth in boys. I told her that last year I was still angry with God for the things that had happened in my past. And then I told her about the Dominican. I told her about how God orchestrated that trip SO perfectly. I told her that it only took NINE days for God to completely change my whole world. Nine days to completely reverse the way I had been living my life since my freshman year of high school. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

Flash forward to this trip. 60 days. That’s it. I remember saying it to people for the first time and being overwhelmed at how long it seemed. But it’s only 60 days. I wrote a blog a while ago saying that if God could change everything in 9 days…like he did in the Dominican, I can only imagine what He’s going to do in 60…and now I’m going to tell you.

In 60 days, God has taught me SO much about surrender. He’s taught me that without surrendering EVERYTHING to Him, we won’t ever be able to really grow. He’s taught me that when we surrender our lives and our hopes and our dreams and our pains to Him, He will bless us so big we won’t even know what to do with it all. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

In 60 days, He has shown me how relentless He is. We sing this song during worship here that says, “You won’t relent until You, have it all…my heart is Yours” and it is SO TRUE. He literally won’t stop pursuing you and growing you until He has every piece of you. And that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Sometimes it’s hard, but once we give in and let him have it all, it is SO worth it. Until you’re ready though, He is relentless. He loves us that much. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

In 60 days, He has shown me that I am PURE again. My past is messy and ugly and OVER. Last summer when I gave my life to Christ for real, my past was sealed up and I was made pure and whole again. And what really blows my mind, is that not only am I pure in the eyes of Christ, but He has made a man for me that will see me that way too. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

In 60 days, God has given me a taste of what my future looks like…and let me tell you, it is AWESOME. When I think about the fact that God chose ME, someone who ran from Him for so long, to do the things that He has planned, it totally blows my mind. God is going to do big things through me and I am so blessed and beyond excited to get to be His vessel. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

In 60 days, God has shown me the importance of just one. He literally has me living in the parables of the lost…. and He’s showing me how far He will go to just get ONE bar girl. ONE tourist. ONE child. He sent 24 girls here to chase after the hope of seeing one girl walk out of the bars and find Christ, and He let that hope be fulfilled. More than one girl has accepted Christ since we have been here, and the crazy thing about it is that God didn’t NEED to use ANY of us to get them…He just chose to. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

In all honesty, I don’t have enough space to tell you how much God is done in these 60 days. He has grown me more than I thought possible. He has given me a family in the people that I’ve done life with on this trip. He has given me glimpses of my future. He has shown me I have more strength than I know. He has shown me how far I’ve come. He has changed my life all over again. He has given me so much more than I deserve. MY GOD IS SO BIG.

Love you all

Living in pursuit of Him,

Rach

The most beautiful Orchestrator. The most relentless Pursuer.

2011-07-19T09:18:00.005-05:00

The most beautiful orchestrator. The most relentless pursuer.

My God is so big. So powerful. So beautiful. So loving. So giving. So willing to reveal things to me. I can’t even begin wrap my head around His immensity most of the time, and I think the thing that blows my mind the most is that He has the most beautifully orchestrated plans for each and every one of us. Even me. He orchestrated the trip to the Dominican Republic I got to go on last summer, He orchestrated my move to Bloomington, He orchestrated my stay in Thailand…and He’s beginning to show me how many other things He has put into place for me. If you had asked me a few months ago, I would have told you that this semester I was going to be living by myself in a one-bedroom. Little did I know, that God was going to place my sweet friend Brooke in my life and that she and I would be living together this upcoming year. He also gave me a heart for human trafficking, and sent me on this trip…turns out He sent me here, not because my ministry will be human trafficking, but to show me my heart for children and Africa. If He wouldn’t have put me here I wouldn’t be able to grow and learn and prepare for what He has in store for my future. It also turns out, that by orchestrating my new living situation with Brooke, He has been able to align our hearts and our future plans TOGETHER! I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited or sure about what God is doing now, and what He is GOING to do in my life. There are so many big things that He is putting in place, and I can’t wait to follow Him into the unknown…because it is going to be beautiful. I mean it has to be right? After all, He is the most beautiful orchestrator.

Another thing God has been revealing to me is that He is such a relentless pursuer. I love seeing Him chase after the girls on Bangla Road. We have had a rare experience on our trip in that we have actually been able to see some fruit come from what we are doing here. One of our groups got to share the gospel to a girl they had formed a relationship with and she was SHOUTING the praises of the Most High in the middle of all the chaos on that road. Another group got to see a girl walk out of the bars and she now works at the 7eleven. Just like He is pursuing these women and men at the bars, He is constantly pursuing us. Even when we have been walking with Him, the pursuit never really stops! We can run and hide and say over and over that we are happy in our lives and that we don’t need anything else, but once we figure out that the things this world has to offer will never be enough He will STILL be there because He is always in pursuit. I love that. I love that when we feel like we don’t have it in us to pursue people anymore that God is right there to pursue through us. I love that even though sometimes in this life it is so easy to feel alone or like He is too big to worry about the small details in our lives, He tells us that is a lie from the enemy because He is ALWAYS there. And those times when we feel most alone He is carrying us along because without Him we wouldn’t even be standing, whether or not we realize it or not. He’s the most relentless pursuer. <3

love and miss yall

living in pursuit of Him,

Rach

ohhh good soil!

2011-07-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting in bed this afternoon having some time with Jesus, He told me to read through the first few chapters of Luke. I wondered at first if He wanted me to re-read the part of Luke 6 about judging others and the consequences of doing so, but instead I found myself quite focused on the parable of the sower in Luke 8. Jesus is talking about a farmer that is going out to sow his seed and as he is scattering the seeds some fell along the path, some fell on the rock, some fell among the thorns, and some fell on good soil. A few verses later Jesus tells the meaning of the parable…He says,

“The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Those on the rock are the ones that receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. The seed that fell among the thorns stands for those who hear, but as long as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the world, retain, it and by preserving produce a crop.”

Where we are doing ministry, we see a lot of women that are the seed on the path. They are told over and over that they are deeply loved by the Lord, and are worth so much more than selling their bodies; but satan does such work in this place it’s almost like their thoughts are immediately distorted. Even people other than the women are in the same place. A girl in my group of 4 felt called to go speak to these men, and tell them that God loved them and they completely rejected what she was saying. The enemy had completely taken the word away from their hearts, and it broke ours.

Now the seed on the rock really hit my heart because I was the seed on the rock for so long. I remember being at conferences and hearing about the love of the Lord and being SO excited, but the moment I got home and began to face some sort of trial or God tested me I ran for things that made me comfortable. Things like friends and boys and parties. Things that never made the hole in my heart go away. All I had to do was have faith that the trials and the testing were worth it and would teach me so much…but I couldn’t. I don’t know if it was fear or anger at things that had happened to me, but I wouldn’t leave the rock…and I know I’m not the only one who can relate to this!

About a week ago when we were out at the bars, God told us to go to this McDonalds and just wait…which was weird but we did it anyway. After awhile a group of like 10 Australian guys came in and sat down around us and even at our table. They were in Phuket to have a good time and we were able to tell them that we were Christians…they said they were too. They weren’t here participating in the sex industry, but they were definitely consumed by the other aspects of this place. They have all the tools to actually LIVE for Christ and not just say that they are Christians, but they were so wrapped up in the pleasures and worries and riches of this worldly life that they aren’t able to grow in that base of faith they have. I feel like this happens a lot in our world. We have this foundation of Christianity and Christian teachings but we are so caught up in the things that this world has to offer that abandoning our comfort to really and truly live life how Christ called us to doesn’t seem worth it. So many seeds among thorns.

Fiiinally the good soil :]! The good soil is what I’m striving for now. Now that Christ has come into my life and completely wrecked it for Him. He’s taken me and moved me from the rock to the good soil. He has shown me that through trial and pain and sufferings there is growth and beauty and so much to learn. He has shown me glimpses of His crazy big plans for me, and I am so thankful that I’m not a seed on the rock anymore. Mostly though, He has shown me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of the fact that I was the seed on the rock, but that I can use the fact that I used to be so scared of abandoning my life to Christ as a way to relate to those in the same place I was. He can and will use me as an example. He wants to use me to show people that change is possible in Christ. I love where I am right now, but I am also thankful for where I have been, and so excited for where He will be taking me. How beautiful that I am working towards being good soil :D

Ps. I’m going to Africa. <3

Love and miss yall

Living in pursuit of Him,

Rach

The Mother In Me.

2011-07-06T13:20:00.002-05:00

When I made the decision to listen to God and come on this trip I knew that He would work in my heart. I knew that He would open my eyes to things. I knew that He would stretch me, but I assumed He would be breaking my heart for the women here. For the prostitutes, for the men, for the bar owners…but He has been breaking my heart for the children.

I’ve always loved kids…I’m good with them and love playing with them and I’ve always figured I’d have some one day, but God has shown me my the depth of my mothers heart on this trip. When we are out at the bars the other girls on my team tend to notice the women or the men, but my eyes are always locked on the kids. There are kids all over Bangla road. There are kids that seem to ALWAYS cling to me on the streets to get me to buy necklaces, and it’s hard. But where God has wrecked my heart the most are the kids on the street and at the bars with their parents.

Tonight as we were walking Bangla road, we stopped to talk to a man and a sweet little blonde girl caught my eye. She was walking with her dad, her mom was behind them a little ways with a camera…she was probably about 5 years old and they were standing directly in front of Soi Crocodile. During a certain time of night there are a lot of lady boys that come out onto the main road in huge headdresses and crazy outfits and try and get you to take pictures with them, a lot of them are really vulgar and aggressive. I watched as this little girl’s father was trying to push her towards them to take a picture and saw so much fear in her beautiful little face. She was terrified. She kept grabbing at her dad’s hand and holding onto his shirt…but he didn't let up or walk away. He just kept her right there and I literally could not take my eyes off of her. My group was having a pretty serious conversation but I can’t tell you one word of what they said because God just had my eyes locked onto that little girl. Parents are supposed to be protectors. Fighters. Warriors. Guardians for their kids. They are supposed to rock them to sleep and kiss away their pains and be an example for them. They are supposed to mold them and teach them and keep them safe. And God let me see how it felt to see a mom and dad pushing their daughter into the mouth of a lion. In that moment God let me feel the tiniest bit of what He felt for that little girl and it ripped my heart out. In that moment God let me feel like she was my little girl and I wanted to step in and be that protector that her parents were not being. In that moment God gave me a gift. In letting me feel some of the weight of His love for that little girl, He was showing me the type of mother that I will be. A mother that will fight for my children. A mother that will guard their hearts. A mother that will keep them safe. A mother that will rock them to sleep. A mother that will kiss away their pain. A mother that will teach them and mold them. A mother that will keep them safe. A mother to many.

Throughout this trip God has given me dreams and words and verses about children…and “mom” is a term that gets directed at me regularly. Tonight when I got home a girl on my team told me I was going to be the mother of an army…and I don’t doubt it for a second.

love yall

living in pursuit of Him,

Rach.

"Be a sheep"...WHAT?!

2011-06-29T10:40:00.000-05:00

“’I am sending you out like a sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.’” Matthew 10:16

Man, you really have to be careful about what you ask God sometimes. When you ask Him to break your heart for what breaks His…He’ll do it. When you ask Him to stretch you and grow you…He’ll follow through. I mean, that’s a beautiful thing…but it also realllllly sucks sometimes.

Since we have started ministry here in Phuket, I’ve really been praying for God to stretch me and show me things. Now when I began praying these things, I thought He might stretch me nice and easy…you know, ease me in…nope. Wishful thinking. As we were walking the streets last night God was telling me to look at people, like right in the eyes. Just to look and take it all in. I was obedient, and while I was doing that I began to realize all the lust I was seeing in the eyes of these men. Not even just at the half naked girls dancing on bars or the legit porn that is on some of the TVs in the bars…but eyes of lust towards US. Towards our group of four women, who are probably the most covered up people in a 2-mile radius. As I was looking around and seeing this I began to get really angry. These spirits of anger and judgment just filled me up and I began asking God why he would let me see this when He knew this is how I would feel. He replied by saying, “be a sheep.” I’m like… “ummm are you kidding me?! No!” I am a spitfire…a firecracker, always have been. I’ve always been the one to approach a situation like that head-on and shut it down. I demand respect for the people that I love and most of the time that’s a real blessing. When it comes to the people I love I will go to battle any time. God has given me a very protective heart and when I see these looks these men are giving I want to tear them apart…but God just kept saying, “be a sheep.” I was still getting mad and ignoring Him, so he sent my leader to tell me, “be a sheep not a wolf” so I started praying. God is showing me that these men see His light in us and His love in us and His beauty in us and they are lusting after it because they know, and see it is something different. They want what we have and so they are lusting after it because lust is all they know. They are just searching for their identities just like all of us are and God called me to show them love and grace, not to tear them apart or judge them. It is such an incredibly hard thing to do, but like I said, when you ask God to stretch you…He will, and it will almost never be in the ways you expected.

Living in pursuit of Him,

Rach

Beautiful Things

2011-06-28T13:23:00.002-05:00

For those of you who know me, you know that one of my favorite things in the entire world is music. God just really speaks to me in the beauty of music and I often find peace and comfort in lyrics. The song “Beautiful Things” by Gungor has been really heavy on my heart throughout this ministry and I just wanted to share the words and how they have been working in my heart.

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

These words are literally all over the bars here in Phuket. There is so much pain and so much darkness here. As we walk up and down the streets at night God has been telling me to look people in the eyes. At first I thought it was just a really strange request, but I’ve come to realize that God is giving me glimpses of the pain and brokenness in their eyes. They are so lost. These women and men are looking for something to fill a hole in their hearts. Something to stifle their feelings of inadequacy and give them value. I feel like so many of them are just stumbling around in the darkness searching for a way out but it seems just hopeless. I remember a few years ago doing the same thing, and I want so badly to tell every single one of those men and women that their lives can not only change, but that they can be transformed and new and whole and beautiful.

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found?

Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?

Bangla Road is I think the most lost place that I have ever seen. It is filled to the brim with darkness and every single time I see it I realize how far out of my reach it is…but God is reminding me every time I’m there that not only is it in His reach, it is in His hands. All the lost hearts and pain on that road is going to be taken care of because the battle is already won. When I hear this part of the song I close my eyes and literally picture flowers rising out of the ground on that road. These beautiful, bright, captivating flowers bursting through the darkness and I can’t help but smile because I know I serve a God that can make that happen.

You make beautiful things,

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

God is bringing life to this place… I love that. I love that He can make beauty rise from the ashes and take all of us undeserving people who are filled with all this worldly ugliness and make us so crazy beautiful. He brings us out of that darkness and pain and hurt and turns us into life-giving, hope-bringing, beautiful servants.

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found, in You

Chaos literally FILLS the streets here. It’s all over the place and it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by that. To feel inadequate. To lose hope. But hope is here, and we are the ones who have been chosen to bring it. All this chaos can’t hold my God down. He is changing lives and softening even the hardest of hearts in the midst of so much craziness. When I am walking down the street with my group and get to see someone stop to look at us because they can actually SEE the love of Christ in us, He is reminding me to remain hopeful. The enemy can’t ever take the hope away from this place, and believe me he does try. God is just revealing to me that we have to always remain hopeful, even in the darkest of darkness.

You make me new

You are making me new

You make me new

You are making me new

When I let Jesus become the person who leads my life I thought that I was all shiny and new, but God has just really been showing me that I will never be done being made new. He is constantly refining me and stretching me and growing me, and that fills me with such an inexpressible joy. While I know that I am not called to be in Thailand forever God is using this trip to make me new, to make me better, to prepare me for His marvelous and beautiful and perfect plans for my life. He is making these women and men new too, and I LOVE that I was chosen to be a part of it. This ministry is doing, and will continue to do beautiful things in Thailand.

So happy to share my heart with ya’ll and miss and love you so much!

Living in pursuit of Him,

Rach <3

Leaving it at the cross.

2011-06-21T21:44:00.001-05:00

I don’t even know where to start…Monday night was my first night of bar ministry and it was so different than I expected it to be. The bars are everywhere; there are HUNDREDS of girls dancing on bar tops and girls soliciting men on the streets and FAMILIES with children walking around like this is completely normal. Looking at all of it, it is so easy to get this hopeless attitude and I really started to think that until we went into the second bar. I was really feeling a pull to that bar, so I told my team leader that’s where I would like to go and so we went and all the girls there spoke Thai…except one; one girl who was so incredibly sweet and beautiful and just wanted to tell us all about her life. God used that bar so we could talk to just ONE girl. That’s how much He loves us…it doesn’t matter if every single one of those bar girls spoke a different language, it just mattered that ONE could communicate, ONE could see that we wanted to really know her. Not use her or just hear the basics…we want to really know her. Hear her heart and show her the love that Christ showed all of us.

God also showed me that night that I HAVE to rely on him, no questions asked. We were standing out on the main road and I looked over and saw a Thai girl that was probably my age or just a bit older persistently soliciting men. After a few minutes I looked over and saw this group of four men approach her and I listened as they asked her how much they would have to pay for just one night with her and my heart just shattered into a million little pieces and I felt so heavy. God showed me in that moment that I couldn’t carry the weight and burden of this place around with me. Not spiritually, not even physically. They are too heavy and it is so important to lay the highs and the lows and the goods and bads and the heavy and the light at the feet of Christ because I’m not strong enough to carry the weight of everyone else…I’ll break. But the Lord delights in us taking it all to Him. How beautiful that we don’t have to carry it all ourselves. We just have to carry it to the cross and leave it there.

This summer is going to be filled with more emotion that I’ve probably ever had to deal with and I’m so excited. I’m excited to hear the hearts of these bar girls and to share mine with them. I’ve excited to pray for the men who are taking part in this heart-breaking industry. I’m excited to conquer the spirits of anger and judgment and just love the women and men like Christ has called me to. I’m excited to be stretched and grown and prepared for the big things that God has already revealed to me that He is putting in the works. Big things are happening here and at home and I am so crazy excited I can hardly contain myself.

Love and miss yall!

Living life in pursuit of Him,

Rach <3

we are chosen :]

2011-06-19T04:44:00.002-05:00

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” 1 Peter 2:9

Isn’t that so beautiful? We are chosen…we are a special possession of the Creator of the universe. I know for me for a large part of my life I struggled with not feeling special. Worthy. Valued. I searched so hard and long for something to make me feel whole. After years of searching through boys and sports and popularity it only took 9 days in the Dominican Republic for God to reveal the TINIEST glimpse of His love for me, and that massive hole in my heart was filled. My identity is not in boys, or success, or in the praises of those around me. My identity is in Christ, and that is an amazingly beautiful thing. The God who has forgiven me for seeking worth in anything or anyone but Him has always seen me as special, regardless of how I saw Him. He sees me as holy, worthy, beautiful. It’s so humbling…and that’s how He feels about all these women in the bars. They are searching for worth in men and in lust and just trying so hard to feel special but they don’t realize that they already are. They are special and chosen and worthy and beautiful and I’m so blessed to be able to tell them that. I’m praying for radical things to happen in the hearts of these women this summer. I’m praying that they will be able to see the light of Christ radiating out of me and know that I am different. I am praying for love…so much love, and I won’t settle for anything less!

love and miss you all!
living life in pursuit of Him
rach

Holding on to HOPE.

2011-06-14T22:09:00.002-05:00

Today we walked Bangla Road (where we will be doing our night ministry) for the first time and it was so heavy, even during the day. There are literally HUNDREDS of bar, which means that during peak season there are around 1200 girls working every night. Girls at risk of being purchased and taken advantage of. As we walked down the main road and saw the alleys branching off that were filled with what seemed like an endless amount of bars I felt this weight...this feeling that I will never be able to have any sort of impact because I am too small, too inadequate, too powerless. as I reflected on those thoughts God showed me that they were a lie that satan wanted to feed into my mind to stifle the heart of boldness that God has given me. He also showed me in another way that the thoughts I was having were right..I alone can't change anything going on in those bars I alone am too small. I alone can not win this battle. But here's the thing that satan doesn't want me to know, I AM NOT ALONE. I will not ever be alone, and because of that I am enough. With the spirit of Christ I can move mountains. With Christ I am larger than life. Because I am walking with Christ, the battle is already WON. So while walking down this road all summer and reaching out to these women is going to be hard and heavy I CAN do it. This summer may seem impossible, but the beautiful part about that is that I serve the God of the impossible and this summer I have hope for broken chains. I am forever holding on to hope.

love and miss yall all so much!
Living in pursuit of Him,
Rach

ps. just was reminded of something awesome last night so i think i'd share :]

I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I have been brought out of darkness and into His light. My God is a new covenant. I am new. I am whole. I have broken chains. I am the start of new generational blessings and the END of any generational sins. The day I rose up out of the water i was washed clean and NOTHING is held against me as long as I am walking in the path of the Father.

the same goes for you, exciting right? :]

we are coming.

2011-06-09T09:07:00.004-05:00

Before I left for this trip I felt so stagnant. Stuck. Just going thru the motions. I wasn’t doing anything wrong or falling back into my old ways but I wasn’t moving forward either. I was just there. Then I left for camp and I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t prepared spiritually or emotionally and I didn’t have my guard up. I mean why would I have to? When I’m at home with my sisters and my little babies and my church, there’s no fear. The enemy can’t touch me there. But away from my support system I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” my complete lack of preparation made me a walking target once I left my home. Satan started filling my head with these thoughts of isolation and doubt and thinking no one on my team would like me and that I should just go home…and I let him in. I almost felt hollowed out somehow. I was lying in my bed in our cabin telling anyone who came in that I was fine and then something beautiful happened…they started praying for me. Two prayed so quietly that I could barely hear them, another put her hand on me and prayed out loud and finally one made me talk. I was crying, which if you know me at all you know that is a strange thing and once I spoke it all out loud and brought it to light I felt lighter somehow. I started praying and digging into the word when I found that verse in 1 Peter that I mentioned earlier. The second half of that verse says, “resist him. Standing firm in the faith because you know that your fellow believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings” I found so much peace in this because I realized that I am not alone in what I was feeling and I was able to realize that as long as I am answering Gods call to spread His word to the nations, satan will do anything in his power to make me doubt myself or my purpose…but he can’t win. My God is a consuming fire and NOTHING can stand against Him. Not doubt, not fear, not anything. I’m not scared anymore. I won’t let myself give the enemy any foothold, not again. My prayer is that the darkness that we are preparing to walk into is TREMBLING because it knows we are coming. So pray with me. Pray for hope. Pray for darkness to flee. Pray for the women and men we will meet in the bars. Pray for us to see the fruit of what we are doing. Pray against spiritual warfare. Pray for softened hearts. Pray for light to EXPLODE in Phuket, Thailand. Just pray.

Living life in pursuit of Him. Love yall.

Rach

obedience>comfort

2011-06-09T02:36:00.001-05:00

Coming into training camp I didn’t feel like I had too many expectations. I thought it would be a little difficult and maybe I’d learn something about the country I will be doing life in for the next 2 months, I also assumed we would always be sleeping in a cabin… that expectation was not met. When we first got to our little camp ground out in the woods of Tennessee, we were called into a room and told to get 3 things from our luggage and we wouldn’t have further access to our bags until the next day. Naturally, I did not think we would be sleeping outside so I grabbed the three most useless things ever, a toothbrush, a camera, and a neck rest. In reality we were given 2 tarps and told to make a shelter in the woods. We stuck to just laying the tarp flat and sleeping on top. We did not consider massive spiders or the fact that it would drop like 30 degrees at night. Needless to say we were frozen, creeped out by bugs, and awake all night, but it got me thinking about comfort. When God called me to go on this trip He didn’t add a p.s. that said, “this will be super easy and filled with things you are comfortable with including a bed.” He just said, “Go.” He doesn’t care about whether or not we are comfortable, sometimes it seems good that we aren't. In Luke 9:58 it talks about the cost of following God “Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.’” Following the Lord isn’t going to be easy, but it is absolutely going to be worth it. Camp has been hard but it has challenged me and shown me that I have strength inside of me I never thought I had. It has shown me that no matter how many times satan tries to feed me lies and doubt or fill my heart with a deep hurt for home, that God will take it away as long as I trust Him completely. It's going to be a really emotionally and spiritually challenging 2 months, but I will be held in the arms of an almighty and powerful Father who would never lead me the wrong way.

For all you future Real Lifers, I have two pieces of advice.

1. 1. Resist the enemy because if you aren’t standing firm in your faith I can attest to the fact that camp is going to be very challenging. 1 Peter 5:8-9 says "be alert and of sober mind. your enemy the evil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

2. 2. When staff tells you to grab 3 things and that you won’t see your bags til the next day…they’re serious and you need a sleeping mat, a pillow, and a blanket. :]

Love and miss you all so so much, keep praying!!!

Living life in pursuit of Him,

Rach

Just as a ps. We made it to Thailand and will be in Bangkok for the next few days, before heading down to Phuket!! <3

one week.

2011-05-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

One week. One week. One week. One week until everything changes. The comfort of my giant sized bed, my crazy friends, my beautiful little babies, daily chats with my momma, and everything I really know. A week from today I will be jumping in the car and making a long drive down to Tennessee for a few days of training, then hopping on a flight to tokyo then bangkok then Phuket for 2 months. It’s scary and exciting and nerve wracking and I feel like it hasn’t really hit me yet. I applied for this trip in November. So for the last 6 months or so I’ve been waiting and waiting to answer God’s call for me. There’s no question that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing this summer, and that the nations of this world are imprinted on my heart. I know this is just the start of His plans for me, and I know that I’m going to be forever changed by the next 2 months. Changed by the hurt that I will see, changed by the faces of the women trapped in this horrible industry, changed by the women on my team that I already love, changed by the total reliance on Christ that it will take to bring His light into the dark, changed by the things He has in store for all of us. Last summer my whole world changed in 9 days…that was all it took for me to make a decision to leave the life I was living behind and start this whole new one. This life that has brought more joy to me in the last year than I had in the previous 20. Only 9 days…I can’t even fathom what will happen in 60. During my trip I will be blogging about my experiences and I can’t wait to keep you guys posted on everything that is happening!

Love yall,

Rach

procrastination at its finest.

2011-05-01T23:42:00.001-05:00

There’s been a lot on my mind lately. I came across Mark 4:22, “For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.” When I read this it made me smile, and then it scared me. People are prone to lying. To hiding things. To sin. I think back over the last few years of my life and I think I probably told more lies than truths. I did the wrong thing way more than the right. And I tried to hide those things. From my family and my friends and people that cared about me. And I was good at it. I was good at acting and hiding things. The funny thing about it I never really hid anything from everyone. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I co-led a small group, and one night we were talking about how we try to sugar coat things in our prayers to make them sound not as bad as they really are. How we compare ourselves to others who are “doing worse things than us” to make us look better, to make us feel better. How ridiculous is that? I only say so because I’m guilty of doing it. Of trying to sweeten up my prayers so I don’t feel as bad about the decisions I’m making…but He already knows. How foolish to think that we can hide ANYTHING from the creator of the universe. He knew all the things that we were going to do before we were even born. The choices we’d make. The heartbreak. The things we would do that would break His heart, and He chose us anyway. All of us. All of our sin and lies and poor attempts at keeping Him in the dark. So where do we get off trying to hide the things in our life from Him. I mean, it’s scary to think about the fact that the Lord knows every single thing I’ve done, every thought I’ve had, ever mistake I’m going to make…but it’s also comforting. Comforting because He still loves me, He still forgives me, He still died for us all. Secrets and hiding things just lets the dark in. Sometimes I just sit and think about how much darkness I have had in my life…in my past. Darkness that surrounded and overtook me because I was scared that it would come into the light. Scared that I could never be forgiven. Scared I was unredeemable. And then I spoke up. One hot and humid night in the Dominican Republic I spoke up and told the truth. The truth about my past and my family and the life I didn’t want to be a part of anymore. It was brought to the light, and it was okay. Yeah, it’s scary to know that everything will be brought to the light one day, but not if we try every day to keep things there. To not let the darkness win out. After all, honesty is the best policy, right?

I’ve also been thinking a lot about procrastination. Partially because I’m procrastinating right now, because I should be doing this test for a class that has killed me all semester and partially because of things that have been going on in my life lately. I think we as a people are procrastinators and while sometimes procrastination can sometimes be okay…the idea of procrastinating with life has been plaguing my mind lately. For a large part of my life I procrastinated with my faith. When I went to church on a rare Sunday and heard the pastor talk about the Lord coming back I chose to believe I had an unlimited amount of time to live my life before that was going to happen. I wanted to live. I wanted to party. I wanted to be friends with the wrong people. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to be special. I had time. I have time. Right? What if you don’t? What happens if the Lord comes back tomorrow? Time’s up. There’s no right time to start living your life for Christ. No convenient time. We aren’t given an unlimited amount of time in this life…what are we wasting it for?

Just some thoughts. I doubt any of that mumbo jumbo made sense, I’m on zero sleep…but it’s just been heavy on my heart lately so I needed to write it out.

Love yall

Rach.

if i could write a letter, to me

2011-04-28T11:40:00.003-05:00

As most of you know by now, I went to the Dominican Republic last summer, and God totally intervened in my life. During the trip we were split up into small groups and my small group leader, Jordan, challenged us to write a letter to ourselves reminding us what happened during that week. We would get them back a semester or so later, and I just got mine back last night. It made me smile, and remember how far I’ve come. I wrote mine on the flight home…here it is.

“’The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.’ Psalm 37:23-24

I’m writing this as a reminder of what happened in your heart this week. Always remember the light of God that you saw through those kids, especially Jeremy. Remember that moment in the river when you died to your old self and became new again, forgiven. Remember the love you have for the people in your small group and all the kind things they had to say during prayer. Remember the encouragement cards and how warm they made your heart. Remember that there are godly men out there and that they are the type of men you need in your life. Men that want to lead you and guard your heart. Remember sharing your story to the team and opening up about the anger you HAD with God. Remember how insanely hard it was to leave that place, those people, that love. Remember Jimmy and Enyor and all the kids whose lives you got to make brighter in that small amount of time. Remember the week that changed your life. Never forget the feelings or that presence of God. Remember cinco. I’m hoping by the time you read this there are plans in order for the more to Illinoi that you need to make. Whether you are scared or not, it is exactly where you need to be. I hope that you have still been able to let go of the mistakes you made in the past. They don’t matter anymore, you are brand new. Remember who you became that week and never let go of her.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about change, real change. The change that means you won’t ever go back to the person you used to be. I’ve been thinking about what it takes to change and I realized that it isn’t about saying you are going to make a change, or an emotional experience…it’s about heart change. Heart change is hard, and it cannot be done without Christ, but it will change everything. When I was in high school I always went to CIY, had an emotional experience and then went back to doing what I wanted a few weeks later. Heart change is scary and hard and breathtakingly beautiful. I don’t know what happened during that week, I never said, “hey I think I’m going try and change” it just happened. God is so incredibly big and while following Him isn’t always easy I can’t even explain the joy I feel in getting to wake up every morning. The verse that I chose at the beginning of that letter makes me smile because I feel like that’s where I am right now. I’m letting him direct my steps, and even though I stumble sometimes and I don’t make all the right choices I’ve never fallen back into the person I was. It’s a beautiful thing.

Love yall

rach

Life is made up of choices.

2011-04-18T11:32:00.004-05:00

Life is made up of choices. To forgive and forget. To hold on or let go. To love or to hate. Think about how many choices we make every single day. What shirt to wear, what show to watch, which classes to go to… should we walk or drive, tell him you like him or let it go, study for your test or read Harry Potter… we make choices all the time. Some times they are hard choices and sometimes we make them without thinking; sometimes we choose the right thing, sometimes we choose the wrong thing. We hit and we miss. I make the wrong choice a lot. I read books when I should be studying, I watch shows when I should be in the Word, I yell when I know I need to pray it out, I speak out of line and I say the wrong things, and I spill all the time, and I change my mind way too much, but I try. Lately I feel like I’ve had to make all these big choices and I spent so much of my life making choices for myself that I find myself still there sometimes. All these things have been happening, and instead of praying about it, I’ve been leaving it up to me to figure out…and let me tell you, doesn’t go so well.

As most of you know, I’m going to Thailand this summer for 2 months, we leave in about 6 weeks and going on this trip was a choice. A choice I took because God put it on my heart, God called me to go and show His love to the broken and the poor and the people who need it. God called me out of my comfort zone and into a place covered in darkness. Making the choice to go on this trip is the best one I’ve made, and since deciding to go on the trip, not many choices since then have been God centered. This trip costs money, and I’ve been SO stressed out about how I’m going to raise enough support to go. I have brainstormed and planned and strategized, but I didn’t pray about it. Then one day I did, I prayed that God would be able to show me that this is my trip, this is what I’m supposed to do, that somehow I could raise the money. About 10 minutes later I got a message from a friend who works for the Blackhawks saying she wanted to donate a signed jersey for me to raffle off for my trip. Then about a week later I got a message saying a friend who works at Sephora wants to donate makeup and other goodies for me to raffle off. Seriously? I’m still trying to figure out everything about how to run the raffle and what not but God gave me a subtle reminder of just how big He is.

Another choice came about a week and a half ago. Some of you may know that my big sister is adopting two little babies, a boy and a girl. I can’t say where they or from or put a picture of them on here, but oh my goodness are they cute. More of you may know this, I love my family. My niece and nephew are 2 lights of my life. They bring so much joy into my life and I love them more than you can imagine. I can’t imagine and life without them. Here is where my decision comes in. The adoption process is slow and we didn’t know when the babies would be getting here, but assumed that Silas (their little boy) would be in April, and Mercy (their little girl) would be August. However, things haven’t quite been going as planned. Turns out, both the babies got approved at the same time (such an amazing blessing) but the time frame they are expected to be brought home is in June. When I leave for Thailand. This literally broke my heart. I’m going to miss their first couple of months here, their first couple of months home, and it kills me. As soon as I found out I cried, both happiness for my sister and her husband, and sadness because I want to be there. To help my sister and to hold them and love on them. The second thing I did was tell my mom I was thinking about not going to Thailand. I immediately texted a few close friends and tell them what was going on…some told me I should stay, some said I was called to go, some told me to pray. How ridiculous that praying was not the first thing I thought of…a friend of mine told me once that I was independent to a fault, and I think sometimes that he was right. I didn’t think “I should pray about this” I thought, I should talk to my friends, who are great, but shouldn’t be making decisions for me. Then Matthew 8:19-22 was brought to my attention.

“Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, ‘Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.’ Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’ Another disciple said to him, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus told him, ‘Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.’”

God didn’t put this trip on my heart and say “Rachel, I want you to go here and everyone is going to support your decision, and your money is going to be handed to you, it’s going to be so easy” He said “GO.” And when I made the choice to go I think I forgot about the cost of following Christ. How humbling are those verses in Matthew. It’s not easy, choices have consequences and tests and trials, but the reward of the decisions we make that honor the Father is an eternity of no decisions. An eternity of peace and love and happiness and being in the presence of Christ.

I made a decision a little over 8 months ago to change my life. He called me out of darkness and into light; He called me to let go of the person I was, and become the person He wants me to be. He called me to live my life for Him no matter what the cost. He called me to move, to lead, and now He has called me to go. Every choice has an outcome. Even the choices that seem easy, I should be relying on Him. No choice should be made without considering Christ. When I left my old life behind, I carried that independent person with me, and I think it’s about time I let her go and start depending on Christ for everything. Difficult or easy. Long term or short term. Small or big. All of it. And I challenge you to do the same.

Love yall,

Rach

Ps. Sorry if that made no sense. Just been on my heart. <3

Thailand Ain't Cheap!

2011-03-28T09:44:00.001-05:00

Matthew 28:19-21 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Hi :]!

First I would just like to say I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging as much lately, I promise to get on it! Things have just been a little bit hectic. The reason for this particular entry is a little different than normal. As many of you know, I am heading to Thailand for 2 months this summer with an organization called Adventures in Missions. We are going to be interacting and restoring the hearts of women and children involved in sex-trafficking.

Thailand is a source, transit, and destination country. In terms of trafficking this means women and children are taken from there, moved through, and placed. There are some laws in place to stop trafficking, but most of the bars and brothels have deals with police so they don’t get in to trouble. The business is booming and it’s absolutely heartbreaking how many women are being exploited.

I’m so excited about my trip, but financially it has been a bit of a challenge. In all, I need to raise $4,900 and as of right now I am about $3,500 short. That is where hopefully some of you guys can come in. I added a donate now button on the top-left side of the blog, the money will be put into a paypal account, withdrawn, and then donated to my trip from there. Any amount you can spare will be so helpful.

God has placed this trip on my heart and I know He will provide this money somehow. This trip will most definitely break my heart for the things that break His and I am so excited and blessed to have the opportunity. I know it will change my life, and grow me in my faith.

Thank you all so much!

Love yall!

Rach.

what's your egypt?

2011-02-21T13:02:00.000-06:00

Last night at Fuel, we went through the story of Moses in Acts. I’m sure you all know the story of Moses, so I won’t go summarizing that in this entry, I just wanted to talk a little bit about the message behind the story. Christ used Moses when he was 80 years old. Not very often to we think that Christ will use us at an old age, we think he will use us right now; so we fight to figure out His plans for our lives, when they may not even be ready yet. While this was only a small part of the sermon, it stuck of to me. I feel like I push to figure out God’s will for me all the time. Am I supposed to live in another country? Am I supposed to live in the inner city, where I feel that people get left behind? Do I just wait for my husband, be a wife and go where he wants me to go? I have no idea, but I try to hard to figure it out. Its crazy to think that I may not have anything to figure out right now; but because I am in my twenties and this is the “prime of my life” God should be using me right? Maybe…maybe not. This is kind of difficult to process, but it’s also a way of God teaching me patience. I’m not supposed to just be able to figure out all His plans for me whenever the timing is right for me; it’s about His timing. His perfect and beautiful timing, and that is hard to realize. The heavier part of Brandon’s message last night was when he talked about our personal Egypt’s. When he said Egypt’s he meant those things that we keep going back to because it is easy or safe or less scary than giving them up and chasing after Christ wholeheartedly. For the Israelites that Moses led out of slavery and into the promise land, they turned their hearts back to Egypt. Back to the place that had broken them, and enslaved them, and imprisoned them; doesn’t make any sense right? But we do it all the time. Last night there were 5 people who spoke about how Christ delivered them from the Egypt’s in their lives and praise God that they did because it really hit home for a lot of people, and was so amazing to get to see. In light of their bravery in sharing their Egypt’s I thought that I might share mine. For a large part of my life my biggest Egypt was chasing after boys who needed fixing. Boys who were broken in one-way or another, that I thought I could make better. The bad boys. Boys I knew and everyone else knew were going to treat me like crap, but I gave them a part of my heart anyway. I was trying to fill a Jesus sized hole in my heart with the “love” of boys who didn’t care about my heart, or me. While chasing after these types of boys is no longer an Egypt for me, the repercussions that came with dating these types of boys is. Dating those boys led to heartbreak, it led to being cheated on and lied to and constantly questioning whether or not I was ever going to be good enough for someone to be happy with just being with me. That is something that has become a daily battle for me. Looking into the mirror and seeing God’s beautiful creation, and not someone that will never be good enough. My Egypt has become my self-worth. I have to remind myself every day that I am good enough in His eyes, and I am beautiful in His eyes, and I am forgiven for my past because of Him; that I have be delivered from the darkness of my past because of Christ’s never failing love for me. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle sometimes. I do. There are days when I let Satan get into my head and the best of me. Shame on me; because all that has done is made me want to hide from God. Run away because I am not worth His love or His time. How ridiculous. While we are absolutely a people undeserving, to Him, we are worth it. We are so worth it, that He sent his Son to die on a cross for us and every single time I let those thoughts affect my relationship with Christ I am taking away from that incredible act of love. God treasures us, and no matter what your Egypt is, He doesn’t want it to get in the way of your relationship with Him. It’s not worth it. All those things do are keep you from Him; they imprison you and enslave you, just like Egypt enslaved the Israelites. Most of the time, I think that we have those Egypt’s because we are trying to fill a void in our hearts. A void that only Christ can fill. The more and more we rely on these things, the deeper the void and the emptier we feel inside. Whether your Egypt is alcohol, or relationships, or drugs, or sex, or self-image; give them up to Christ. He can relieve you of them. He can take it away and make you whole. He can take you out of that darkness and bring you into His marvelous light. Don’t let your personal struggles keep you from having a relationship with Christ. It won’t be easy, but the feeling of wholeness is something I wouldn’t give up for anything. And that is someone that I was only given through Christ. I never found it in those relationships, or in alcohol, or in self-pity. That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. My Egypt may always be there, but I know that Christ is with me in facing it. I’m not taking on my struggles by myself. And that is all I need to know. I will continue this fight to make sure I never let my Egypt’s keep me from Christ, will you?

Love you all

Rach.

a lot can happen in a week.

2011-02-16T13:09:00.000-06:00

Ever have someone say something that really stuck with you? Not necessarily something good, but just something. It happened to me Monday. I was sitting in Geology class (yuck) and my professor started talking about the scientific view of creation. This is normally when I would roll my eyes and stop listening, because I don’t necessarily agree, but I knew I shouldn’t be so close-minded, so I listened. He said that he believes in both the “big bang” creation theory… and Creation. I was kind of surprised, and then he continued his statement. He said he believes in science Monday thru Saturday, and Creation on Sunday. He thought this was hiiiilarious. I, on the other hand didn’t appreciate the comment. Then, like always, my mind started to spin. I started thinking about how often people choose to just live for Sundays; or only claim their faith on Sunday. I feel like it happens a lot, and it makes me sad. Being a Christian isn’t like having a part time job. It is a full time responsibility. Christ doesn’t call us to love Him sometimes, or praise Him sometimes, or give glory to Him sometimes. We are called to live our lives for Him ALL the time. It doesn’t say anywhere in the bible that we should love Him extra on Sunday, so I don’t understand where this whole part time idea came from. Fear? Shame? Guilt? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just the one-day that we set apart. The one-day we feel obligated to praise God. There were times in high school I was my geology professor. I mean I believed in Creation all 7 days of the week, but I didn’t live that way. I lived 6 days of my week however I wanted to, and then on the 7th day, I would go to church and sing the songs, and pray for forgiveness, get right with God; then get right back at it on Monday. Looking back I think for me a lot of what kept me from living my life for Christ every day of the week was anger and fear. I was so angry about the things that happened in my life, that when I did go to church it was to make myself feel better and to blame God for my problems. Not only that, I was scared to give up the things in my life. My friends, my boyfriends, the things I really enjoyed doing. Eventually I just stopped going, and lived all 7 days of my week for myself. I had never felt more alone. More lost. More darkness. But I was too scared to seek out the One who I knew would fix me. Then He intervened. I don’t think that I have talked about that on here so I’m going to explain a little bit about what happened to me in the Dominican Republic this summer. I chose to go on this trip for myself. I didn’t go to change my life, I didn’t go to please God or my parents…I went to boost my resume. Then I got there. These people were gracious and giving and loving and kind; the best people I had ever met. The kids loved on me and were SO happy with the little that they had. The people on my trip from Eastview reached out to me; a few of them even called me out on some things that other people were to scared to do. The day things changed was when we went to the waterfalls. We went to this place where we climbed up these waterfalls and then jump off of them. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. God’s creation is perfect, and beautiful, and breathtaking. There were literally natural waterslides formed into the rocks. I was in awe of Him. I remember just thinking, “If He could make this beauty out of nothing, what could He do to me?” It was something I had always been too scared to think about. But it just slapped me right in the face. After we were done jumping off of things we went down to this river and have lunch and hang out. We all gathered in the water to share things about the week and then Cedric asked if anyone wanted to get baptized. It started with just one or two people, and I felt this incredible tug on my heart, pushing me towards the water. So, I walked across the river, and made the decision to live every sing day for Christ. And boy did He start working in me after that. The same night I was baptized I made the decision to move back to Bloomington. I didn’t know when it would happen or if mom and dad would be on board; but I did know it was where I was supposed to be. So when I got home I called my mom and told her. We agreed I’d move after fall semester…but then about a week later she called me and asked if I was able to move now if I would…I said no question asked. She told me to come home, we packed up my stuff and I moved. My fear evaporated. I wasn’t scared. How crazy is that? That should have been a hard decision. To leave the people I loved and the friends I loved and the school I loved…but it wasn’t. It was as easy as breathing. All of that happened because I chose to live everyday for Him, all 7 days of my week. I got a taste of grace and did not ever want to let go. Imagine the movement that could happen if we all did what we are called to do. It’s scary. And I am not going to sugar coat the fact that there have been times when I wanted to run straight back to Texas. Times when I have had doubt in following Christ back to Bloomington. I want so badly for everyone that is scared, or feels guilty about the past to realize the plans He has. They are beautiful and worth every second of the jump. If you can live one day a week for Christ, you have it in you to live the 6 other ones too. Even if you don’t live any day for anyone but yourself you are capable. I’ve been there. But I would never go back. Life as a Christian can be hard, and confusing, and frustrating. But the most wonderful thing about it is that you never ever have to go through anything alone. Nothing. It’s beautiful. So I guess the point of this blog was to ask the question, who are you living your week for, your life for? And more importantly, is it worth it? I want everyone to know the potential of Christians to change the world we live in. But it’ll be impossible to do if we are living for ourselves.

Love you all,

Rach

love the ones that break your heart.

2011-02-11T13:01:00.002-06:00

I was sitting in the Bone this morning and reading a little Luke. I had put a little marker on some verses in Chapter 6:27-36. "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners to that. And if you end to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

That led me to Matthew 5:44 "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven."

This really hit me hard. I think sometimes it's so easy to love people when they love us back, or when they never hurt you. But what about the people who hurt us over and over...don't they need love too? I never understood this until I really thought about it. I hurt Christ all the time and he STILL loves me, no questions asked; so who am I to think I can pick and choose who I show the love of Christ to? One of the parts that really stuck with me was when it says "if someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other also." I can promise you, it would take every ounce of strength in me to have someone smack me and then tell them to smack the other side too. But that is what is expected of us. Yes, it may be hard, but it is what we are called to do. I want to live my life in a manner that causes people to ask "why?" What better way to do that than love the people that break our hearts, or mistreat us...that's not saying it is easy, it never is. But it's important. And we have the perfect example to follow.

nothing special with this post. just some thoughts. i'll be more creative next time.

love yall.

rach

Half of my Heart.

2011-02-06T10:33:00.000-06:00

Every time I start to study, my mind goes straight to Thailand and Africa and all the other countries of the world. It is becoming so hard to understand why I am here and not out there, in His nations. Forcing myself to be interested in school is becoming a real challenge. I just feel stuck. I’ve been in this sort of rut lately…I have just felt like everything is going wrong. My car broke, and my camera broke, and I really don’t like my major. I would even venture to say that I hate my major. Sure there are parts of it I like, but there are also parts of exercise that I like...like when it is over. I just feel like I should be doing something else, and I don’t think that anyone really understands that. They sure don’t agree with me changing my major my junior year. I don’t even want to be in school right now, but I know that I have to…so shouldn’t I at least do something that I have a passion for? Like photography or loving Christ (don’t you wish THAT was a major?). I do! I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing, but I don’t think that this is it. I just feel like people have these plans for me and goals for me and I know it is because they love me and care for me, but I don’t think that it’s what is best for ME. For His plans for me. I don’t know where I am going to end up, maybe in another country, maybe married and living in the states with a bunch of adopted babies. I just don’t know, and it is really hard for me. Sometimes I feel like things just won’t go my way. And selfishly I want to know how things will fall into place, or why the things that I really, really want aren’t falling into place. Why I am not feeling conviction about things I am unsure of. I think God is just really testing me. Testing if I will follow His will, if I will continue to trust Him, if I will stop trying to put my plans before His. Sometimes I wonder if even if I realize what His will is, how can I convince the people around me, that love me that it is His will and not mine? In Matthew 4:19 it says, “’Follow me’ Jesus said, ‘and I will send you out to fish for people.’” What if I am not really following Him where he wants me to go? Because right now I feel like where he wants me to go is made clear in Matthew 28:19-20 “’Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’” In fact, in my bible, I literally have written Thailand <3 next to that verse. Do I know that I’ll want to go back to Thailand? No. But I know I want to a voice to the nations. I also know that I don’t want to be in school right now, at least not studying what I’m studying. I have this desire to be great. To do great things for the Kingdom of Christ, and I just don’t feel like I’m accomplishing greatness in a major I have no passion for. No heart for. Maybe this was a pointless blog, but it’s just where my heart is. Literally. I’ll write something better next time. I'll end with some revamped lyrics from good ole John Mayer.."half of my heart wants to move to another country, half of my heart knows my family would kill me" ;]

Love yall,

Rach

oh Joseph.

2011-01-31T13:02:00.002-06:00

Last night as I sat at fuel and read through the story of Joseph I couldn’t help but laugh. Not in a like “ha ha your brothers sold you into slavery, a woman tried to seduce you and when you wouldn’t give in she told people you were trying to seduce her, you were forgotten by the cupbearer and left all alone to rot in prison way,” but in this awestruck way. I laughed because Joseph had legitimately everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong. For lack of a better world, Joseph’s life was just a disaster. The craziest part about the whole story was that he loved the Lord. He wasn’t a bad guy. He wasn’t out committing crimes or denouncing the name of Christ; he was chasing after Him wholeheartedly. Even so, all this bad stuff was happening. The most beautiful thing about this story is that Joseph never once faltered in his faith. He never questioned God’s will, or why these things were happening to him. Actually, at one point near the end of the story he was talking to his brothers and told them that it was his purpose. He was going through all this garbage to bring people to Christ. How freaking awesome is that mentality?! I feel like there are so many times when we are going through stuff that instead of saying, “I know You have a will in this, thank You for being with me through this:” we say “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I AM A GOOD PERSON.” I spent the entire 6 years of my “dark days” asking that very question. Why would God put me through this? Why would he let this happen? Why did I have to be treated that way? I didn’t say, “I trust You and I know You are here,” or “I know You will reveal Your will in this.” I played the blame game. And then I got mad. That’s why I think I’m so amazed by Joseph. I mean, I thought my issues were bad…he got SOLD. And still, never questioned the Lord. And not only did Joseph know God was with him, everyone around him could see it too! Imagine how different our lives would be if when we faced hardships and we were tested if we just took it with a smile because we know the Creator of the universe is chillin right there with us. Imagine the movement that could come from that. The confidence we would have in doing something new, or scary, or radical if we actually believed that He is WITH us. What could ever stand against that? Not one thing. I was just moved last night. And SO crazy excited about what this semester is going to bring. I just felt this spark, like people were getting it, and it rocked me. Can you imagine the difference we could make on our campuses and in our families and with our friends if we just let God make the best out of a bad situation, and walked the knowledge that we are never alone? It could forever change things. We just have to stop blaming God for our circumstances. I mean He gave us a forewarning that we were going to be facing trials. And then when we do we are so shocked. But where does it get us? I mean really… it never got me anywhere. I mean looking back at all the crap in my past, I remember asking in the moment why this was happening; but now I just see Gods will. God giving me a testimony that can reach girls who have been through similar things, I see His will in it. Imagine what would have happened if I would have figured that out WHILE it was happening instead of years later! Joseph’s troubles end in good, great actually. It was a series of disasters that ended in beauty. Even though I didn’t figure things out for a while, I’d still like to say, so far at least, that my troubles have ended in beauty. Mostly because I’ve finally be able to see His will in everything, that he is so sovereign, there is so much happiness and joy in my life now. So where is your story going to end? Are you going to let your circumstances leave you in a bad place? Or are you going to actually believe and know that God is right there with you, and because of that absolutely NO circumstances can win out? It is my hope that I can be a part of the spark that changes how we view things. The shift from self-pity to glorifying the Lord in every situation. I want every single person to know that it is so much better with Christ. I’ve seen the dark side, and the Light is so much better.

Love yall.

rachel

What are you scared of?

2011-01-26T13:11:00.001-06:00

Fear.

I am scared. Like literally scared about things going on in my life. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “cast all your anxiety in him because he cares for you” easier said than done right? As most of you know I am going to be spending a large portion of my summer in Thailand. I leave for training on June 3, and won’t be returning home until August 2. What most of you don’t know however, is that my trip is dealing with human trafficking. My trip is literally called Human Trafficking: Thailand. Human trafficking and sex trafficking are huge problems in Thailand and surrounding countries. There is a lot of prostitution that goes on, many of these prostitutes being children. There are also these things called sex tours where tourists come over from other countries and do legitimate tours of brothels and trafficked women and children. Sick right? Let me just give you some statistics from the Adventure in Missions website that describes my trip.

-Human Trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world

-The UN estimates that around 4 million people a year are now traded against their will to work in some form of slavery

-As of 1993 there was an estimated 2 million prostitutes in Thailand. Prostitution is the largest commodity for the 450,000 Thai men who purchase prostitutes as well as for a large percentage of the 5.4 million tourists a year who arrive in Thailand for sex tours per year

-40% of the prostitutes in Thailand are children

If that didn’t break your heart a little bit, something isn’t right. See, the Thai government knows about what is going on, while there are now laws are in place against trafficking, it is still tolerated. The modern day slave trade has literally surpassed the actual historically documented slave trade. It’s scary. I am scared. I am scared that when I go there and see the heartbreak that these women and children are going through I will never be the same. What if seeing it in front of me makes me angry with God like I used to be? I am scared that something will happen to me while I am in Thailand. I am almost 6 feet tall, I am going to stand out. What if I get taken. What if I fall in love with the Thai people and don’t want to come home? What if I get there, freak out and want to come home? I am scared of these things. But here’s the thing, my fears don’t matter. They are not the important issue here. What is important here, are the women and children who need a restoration of hope, and light, and to know Christ. 94.6% of the population in Thailand is Buddhist, 4.6% is Muslim, .7% are Christians. LESS THAN 1%. That is a huge giant massive problem that needs to be fixed. Who am I to have ANY fear besides, what if the Lord comes back and 99% of Thailand’s people are not saved. There’s a fear that deserves space in my mind and heart. So often we let the mediocre things take up SO much space that we forget the bigger picture. How selfish is it to be worried about leaving my family for a couple of months, when so many of these women were forcibly taken from their families and will not ever see them again. Beaten, bruised, raped, sold. A large number of them young children. Who am I to be scared of stuff I know will be taken care of? I’ll tell you who I am. SELFISH. How many times a day do I think about all the UPG (unreached people groups) in the nation? Not much. Not enough. We are called to be better. Called to be radical in our faith, to TRUST that the Lord will keep us safe and follow His will. Fear is nothing but a lack of trust. I’m so worried that I will be called to stay, or that something will happen that I am forgetting why I am going. Forgetting that I was called to Southeast Asia to spread the love of Christ to people who have never seen it. How many times a day do your friends or parents tell you they love you? I’m gonna go with multiple. We are blessed enough to feel love on a daily basis. These people probably haven’t had someone tell them they love them and MEAN it in a very very long time. It’s not okay. It’s not okay to forget how blessed we are, and how much other people struggle. I’m co-leading a small group over the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and there is this Chapter that talks about the “Profile of a Lukewarm Christian” One of the profiles says, “Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for “extreme” Christians, not average ones. Lukewarm people call “radical” what Jesus expected of all His followers.” (Crazy Love pg. 70-71). It is then followed by James 4:17, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” and James 1:22, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." Scary to be called lukewarm right? If you are confused as to why being considered lukewarm is a bad thing, since it is better than being completely cold, take a gander at Revelations 3:15-16 “I know your deeds, that you ware neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one of the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” ummmmmm scary. Even scarier if you read all the other profiles of the lukewarm. I can promise you that almost everyone can relate to a lot of them. There is a problem here with people only willing to do things for Christ if they are comfortable. We aren’t called to be comfortable. We are called to spread the name of Christ. and not the “radical” people, ALL OF US. We are called to go. So I’m going. And it’s scary and it is the unknown, but I am going to be okay. I know I am going to be okay, because I am following my calling and I trust in God. I don’t want to live a lukewarm life, I want to be on fire.

love you all,

Rach

Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ;plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”

How Frustrating.

2011-01-24T13:19:00.002-06:00

Hi all. Sorry it has been so long since I have written on here, but I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. Things have been going on that are hard for me to understand so i’m going to try to write it out.

My niece Elly, went through this stage where she was biting, hitting, scratching, hitting herself, and all sorts of other unpleasant things; most of them directed at me. Mostly I think, because I wouldn’t let her get away with it. I told her no. Pretty much every time she saw me after that, she would literally hit anything she was standing by. Tables, chairs, the floor, people. She would look straight at me, say NO and hit things. I love my niece very very much, and even though it’s silly because she was like 14 months, it made me really sad that she didn’t like me for awhile. Sometimes i just wanted to be like “Elly, why are you hitting and biting me, i love you!” Of course, she is way too young to understand the idea of hurting someone’s feelings or the fact that i love her and don’t want her to be hitting me. But regardless, it made me sad. That being said, she grew out of that stage, and now lovingly refers to me as RE-RE and gives me lots of hugs and kisses. But it took time. And it was incredibly hard for me to understand.Even though i know she’s a baby, i didn’t understand why she kept pushing me away, i love her and care about her and want her to like me you know?

Now fast-forward about 20 years, and that is what has been on my heart lately. I keep seeing people just like Elly, me included, except old enough to know better. Back in the “dark days” when my big sister or my mom used to try to talk to me about Christ, or encourage me to stop being so incredibly stupid; i would, in my own way, bite, scratch, and hit. I’d lie. I’d say I was going to church when I wasn’t. I’d leave out large details about the things I was dealing with. I got really really good at it too. Lying became this habit. I didn’t see it that way though. I was lying because i knew that my parents or sisters would freak out and i didn’t want to have to deal with them. i didn’t want them to judge me. I was just having a good time. I never once realized how but i was hurting myself.I was pushing away people who really loved me. People who mattered, People who cared about my heart and where I was going to end up. I don’t know if it was me being afraid to let go of some people in my life, or not wanting to stop the partying yet or if i just didn’t care. probably a little bit of both. But it happened. I pushed and pushed and pushed them away and aside from my family, i had very few people left in my life who really genuinely cared about me. That is a hard, hard thing to think back on. Here’s the worst part. Not only was I pushing away the people who love me, I was pushing away the Creator of the universe. ummmm ouch. i literally hate to think that my selfish needs broke the heart of the God who loves me unconditionally. Every time I was lying, or going out he was just dying to shake me and say “HELLOOOOO I LOVE YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” There were even times, looking back that He did shake me and i let it go. Like in my car accident, or when i got a drinking ticket, or when i let guys treat me like dirt, or when i somehow made it home when i was blackout drunk and couldn’t tell you how i got there or how i spent a large chunk of my evening. I was saying, “HeyGod, I. Don’t. Care.” I think that's what really gets me about it. Yes, I hate that i was pushing away my family and friends, but God? it is shameful. and something that i would love to take back. Now that I am somewhat on the other side of the table, I find myself getting extremely frustrated with people i see doing the same stuff, I don’t get how you can get even the slightest taste of glory, and want ANYTHING else. How anyone could feel that grace, and think that the way they were living before was better. How it’s okay to turn your back on the One who cares about you more than anyone. I don’t get it. I mean, I know that it takes real live heart change, for life change to happen, but why is it so hard for that to happen? Just because God will always forgive you and love you and be in your life, that doesn’t mean your friends will. Sometimes, you can only push people so far until you start to cause them to stumble and you lose people who really cares about it. Is that party really worth it? is the attention you are getting from the guy who doesn’t care for a second about the heart that you have worth losing friends for? From personal experience, i can promise you it is not. it’s not worth it for a second.

If you are reading this and are going through the same things, know that I have been there and I am happy to talk to you about how to deal. Now i realize this may have been semi-harsh, but i just feel like i need to purge all the emotion i have been dealing with, and this is the one way that i know has worked before.

Love you all,

Rach

Christian. Why do you claim the name?

2011-01-13T19:36:00.000-06:00

"However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name." 1 Peter 4:16

Lately I haven't been able to stop thinking about the word Christian. To be completely honest the word has started to bother me. Yesterday I was sitting in the Bone Student Center reading 1 Peter, and I came across this verse and kind of got upset. The word Christian used to have this weight to it you know? Back in the day the word itself could get you into trouble. In Acts, Paul is writing a letter literally CHAINED to another person in prison because he was preaching the word of Christ. Do you know how incredibly blessed we are? I wasn't in fear of being arrested or stoned today when we were handing out flyers for Fuel on Location on ISU's campus; or when I told my Speech class that my bible was one of the most important things to me. The word Christian has just become this word that people use casually, as if to build up their resume--like it will make them look better to claim some sort of religion, and it really bothers me. Claiming to be a Christian isn't going to save you a place in heaven. So what's the point of saying it if it doesn't matter? Would you still be calling yourself a Christian if it held as much weight as it used to? I doubt it. Part of me still wishes that persecution was still prevalent, because then maybe people would see the importance of the word. It isn't something to call yourself just to call yourself. Think about all the people who don't know the Lord, see someone who claims to be a Christian getting hammered at a party and gets a terrible perception of what it is to follow Christ. I will be the first one to admit that I have said I was a Christian even when I was out partying or messing around with my boyfriend; and it makes me feel so awful to think about. I had no right to call myself a Christian, but I did it anyway. I think part of me thought that if I was calling myself a Christian, it still meant that I was saved. Definitely not. It just made me feel better. But I never stopped to think about how it could be effecting anyone around me. So I guess I will end with this, if you are calling yourself a Christian, are you carrying the name of Christ with pride, or are you saying it to just say it?

Sorry for all the rambling...it's just been on my heart.

Love you all.
Rachel

Philippians 1:21 "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Excuses.

2011-01-08T09:03:00.000-06:00

Hello guys! So last night I could NOT sleep, there are a few reasons for this; but after awhile of staring at the ceiling I started thinking about excuses. Not excuses for why you didn't make it to class, or why you were late to work, but excuses FOR people. I thought about how often fear has caused me to make excuses for not talking to people. Here are some of the main ones I could think of.

"Well, he/she was raised in the church and now he/she is just burnt out and doesn't want to go right now...he/she is just trying to get it out of his/her system you know?

"But I don't really have any room to talk to them about how to live because I used to do the exact same stuff, and that would be hypocritical"

"He/She is still a Christian, he/she is just lost right now, but I know he/she will find his/her way back."

"I can't force him/her to come to church with me"

"He/She will just shut down and not be friends with me anymore."

I've been there. I have made the excuses, I have come up with reason upon reason upon reason why talking to people about Christ isn't going to work; but how could I possibly know that? So as I was laying there last night, I kept thinking how selfish I had been making these excuses. I was selling my friends short and letting fear dictate my life. Fear of changing the friendship, or even losing the friendship, or whatever else I was scared of. But here's the thing-excuses are garbage.They are the biggest cop out ever created and I can guarantee they are NOT pleasing to the Lord. I don't know about you but when I get to meet Him, I don't want to spend the time making excuses about why I never ever spoke to my friends about why Jesus was so important to me. "Look Jesus, I know that I probably should have talked to that person, but they just were in the partying phase, I was there too and look at me now." SERIOUSLY? No thank you!! That is absolutely the last thing I want to be saying to the Lord; because you can make excuses to yourself-and sometimes even believe them...but He is not going to be buying those excuses. Think about it. Every time you have the chance to tell someone about Christ and don't; that's another day...we have another day coming right? Wrong! Well at least not one that is guaranteed. Scary right? Our days are numbered guys, and we shouldn't be spending another second of those days making excuses for people. We shouldn't be okay with making excuses, living in selfishness because we don't want to be uncomfortable. The Word is NOT supposed to be fluffy and cuddly and comfortable. At least not all of it. Life as a Christian is not supposed to be cupcakes and butterflies; I mean no, we don't have the blessing of being persecuted like they do in other countries or like they did in past times; but that doesn't mean it should be easy. So I guess I just want to challenge you to look at the excuses you are making for people, or for not giving something up in your life that is taking away from your relationship with Christ. How many more days are you going to waste making excuses?

love you all.
rachel

Music Speaks.

2011-01-07T16:03:00.001-06:00

Hi anyone reading :] Music is one of my outlets of expression, when I can't find a way to say something I tend to turn to lyrics. I've been listening to a lot of Lecrae since I got to hear him at passion, and some words have just kind of stuck with me so I thought share. They are from this amazing song called Boasting:

"I rejected his love, grace, kindness, and mercy
Dying of thirst, yet, willing to die thirsty
Eternally worthy, how could I live for less?
Patiently you turn my heart away from selfishness"

These four lines sent me pouring over the last 6 years of my life. The years that I lovingly refer to as "the dark days." The years I spent angry, and being nothing but destructive. But the funny part about it is that I never saw it that way. I never sat and thought, "wow I'm rejecting the love, grace, kindness, and mercy of the Most High." I thought I was just having fun. Being a kid. Experiencing life. After all, it's the teen years right? Then the college years...but really I was wasting my time on relationships that were nothing but detrimental, partying too much, and pushing away any good things that were coming in my direction. I was trying to fill the void in my heart with things and people, and it never worked. I was so empty but I was too prideful to turn to Him. I was willing to die thirsty. When I think about all the opportunities that I missed in those years, it breaks my heart. If it breaks my heart, think about how much it breaks His. Every time I turned away, every time I walked in the other direction his heart broke; and I'm responsible. But I was just having fun right? Wrong. Then I listened to the last 2 lines of that verse. How could I have let myself keep living for less? Praise God for the heart change he had prepared for me when I went to the Dominican. It wasn't about the trip or the people, it was about the movement of Christ in my heart in that time. Movement that sparked change. I'm not saying that I'm this perfect person now, by any means. But I am new, I have this new heart, and I am trying to make Christ the center of my life; and He is patient. Growing me and stretching me and pushing me towards things I never thought were possible. Powerful right? Funny how a few words lines from a song can make you think so much.

I'll end with a few more words from one of my favorite songs of his, Background.

"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul.
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sank."

Trying to make it by yourself won't happen. Trust me, I spend the majority of the most important years of my life trying to make it on my own and failing epically. Trust in the Lord, because losing control of your fate, sinking in this big world, it just isn't worth it.

love you all!
rachel

Passion.

2011-01-06T02:04:00.000-06:00

Hello to anyone reading this thing. I'm still trying to figure out how to do this thing, but I have had a lot of things on my mind and heart lately and especially in preparation for my Thailand trip this summer I felt I should have a blog. I called this entry Passion because I just got back from the Passion2011 conference. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever been a part of. Jesus moved. I was flipping through my notes earlier today and made a list of the things that practically knocked me to my knees over the 4 days I spent in Atlanta. Here were the top 5.

1. The first full day we were there we split up into these things called community groups. Basically it divided the group of 22,000 into 17 different groups and from there we split into family groups of 8 people. They picked me as group leader (which I had mixed emotions about) and then they started asking us questions. The one that stuck was "What is the most amazing thing about Jesus?" We all went around and answered and my first answer was simply that he died the most awful of all deaths for all of us. A guy in the group said that he thought the most amazing thing about Jesus was that he left heaven to come here, and stayed; a few people agreed with death on the cross and then my mind started spinning. I kept thinking of the love for us that Jesus showed on the cross. I mean, He died knowing that we would break his heart every single day. I don't know if you've ever had your heart broken by someone you loved, but it is painful. Even if you didn't really love that person. And Jesus, He REALLY loves us. All of us. And we break his heart all the time, we hurt Him every day, and even knowing the pain He would feel because of our recklessness he STILL gave His life for us. I hadn't ever really thought about it like that you know?

2. That same afternoon I was blessed enough to go to Beth Moore's breakout, and Jesus spoke so loud through her. She talked about the importance of renewal of the heart (she had spoken about the importance of the renewal of the mind that morning) and her main focus was on the desires of our heart. Her main scripture focus was Psalm 37:4 and her third point was "Delighting in God makes our truest desires inevitable." She said that God tells us what we are capable of doing and how mind-blowing it is when we actually do it. Then she had this super spastic moment and told us to go to luke 10:17-21. It says, "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, 'Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.' He replied 'I saw Satan fall like lighting from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.' At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.'" After reading this, she explained! She was saying how Christ gives us the power to do things we could NEVER do without him; and when we do those things we never thought we could do through Him--He sees Satan fall like LIGHTNING from heaven. ummm boom. He delights in us. What a crazy thought.

3. The second morning Andy Stanley spoke about Jacob and Esau, and how Esau gave up his entire life purpose for a bowl of stew. How our appetites can control us and that our response to them will determine the outcome of our life. I hadn't ever thought about my appetite for things and respect and winning could ultimately dictate the outcome of my life. Andy also said that God created appetites, but that Satan distorted them and that the are never fully satisfied. He challenged us to think about the things that we want in the next 5 years; families, kids, a job, a home; and that by making these less his hope was that we would be less likely to make sacrifices we don't really want to make. Is giving away our futures for a bowl of stew really worth the risk?

4. Francis Chan was one of those people who I felt that the Lord was speaking through directly to me. During the main session when he spoke he talked about how many people that we love fall through the cracks. Family, friends, co-workers all walking in the opposite direction of the Father and all going to hell if we don't start talking, being bold and telling them that God is the only Way. In his breakout he talked about being bold and how important making disciples is and how important it is to show love. He asked a question that stuck with me, "when people look at you can they tell that you believe in Hell? and that you have been saved from that?" Chan also asked how many disciples we have made. How many people we have baptized. Both talks really shook me up. The first, because I realized how many chances I have missed. And it forced me to make a really scary decision. The second got me shook up in an awesome way. It made me want to go tell everyone why their lives need to change. It made me want to change my campus this spring. It made me want to be a part of the Jesus Movement.

5.The last night, John Piper spoke. He talked about Jesus being at the bottom, or root of our joy. He asked us this question, "Do you feel more loved by God because He makes much of you, or because He enables you to make much of Him." He said that if we feel more loved by God because he makes much of you, it is idolatry of the worst kind. He spoke about how being reborn isn't about thinking the same things but in a different way, or choosing Jesus because you don't want to go to hell. It isn't having the same meal, but just with a new butler; it is changing the root of your joy. Every single choice we make that has a delightful outcome has a root and that root is either you or Christ. And after he was done speaking I question most big decisions I have ever made, a lot of them with myself at the bottom, and how it challenged me to make Him the root of my joy. Why should I be at the root of anything? He should be at the root of everything, all the time.

So, there are some highlights that I hope will stay with me always. Sorry this was so ridiculously long, I promise they won't always be. Hope it was enjoyable and maybe even a little bit enlightening. Love you all.